Tuesday, August 2, 2011


Today wasn't the best of days. I had a lot of pent up...something. Energy? Sexual Frustration? Lonliness? Yes. Probably. So, as soon as I heard the thunder outside and realized it was raining, I bolted out my backdoor and just started dancing. Full out, crazy dancing. It started with manic laughing and twirling, but eventually I was doing leaps, pirouettes (as well as you can do pirouettes barefoot on wet grass), and random bits of combos from past jazz classes. One of the coolest bits was that the thunder never seemed to stop so I had my own weird back up track. Eventually that wasn't enough. No musical theater person (or really anyone I have ever met) can resist singing Singin' in the Rain...in the rain so I did, complete with several refrains of the doo doo doo doos. And then, I saw the rainbow. No, wait...it was a DOUBLE RAINBOW! And so I sung what I knew of that. Loudly. I then danced and sang my own rendition of Let Me Entertain You complete with what I am sure were VERY sexy dance moved. (Heh heh heh.) I didn't strip though. That would be silly. The rain eventually stopped, but I kept on dancing.

Ok, so maybe it was the best moment of my entire summer. Lately I have been sort of angsty. I have had a hard time being alone. Because it is well...lonely. When I'm alone I tend to think about all the stuff I hate about myself and why I suck and why people obviously just pretend to like me and I over analyze every silly little thing I have done around people and everything they have done back and blah blah blah blah blah. But this evening I was alone. And I was happy. A little insane, but happy.

I love to sing. I love to dance. I rock at singing. I suck at dancing. In three years I will rock at singing. And I will rock at dancing. I am so excited for school to start! I just need to remember that I am doing what i do because I LOVE it. I need to dance and sing like nobody is watching and BE MYSELF. I focus so much on all my faults and I forget HOW MUCH I have improved in so many areas of my life.

I danced in front of people and they didn't laugh at me.

I danced in front of people and they did laugh at me...luckily these times were on purpose.

I went from a 2.7 at SUU to a 3.9 at the U!

I have made friends with many WONDERFUL people.

I occasionally manage to talk to boys I like.

Sometimes I wear cute clothes and pull it off.

I just need to look forward and not back. I dwell on the past way too much. But none of that matters. Scars fade and this year is going to be a great year! I just need to dance in the rain, sing my heart out, love the people I love, ignore the people I don't (Kindly...and hopefully with out them noticing) and KEEP MOVING FORWARD. I'm going to be ok. I may even end up being great.