The last three weeks have been completely life changing, as in, I feel like a different person. With out going into to many details, here are some things I learned in the past few weeks. Some may seem obvious to you, but I had never really believed any of these before.
1. I am in charge of my own life.
2. I can fix the way I view myself and the world.
3. I have potential to be whatever the hell I want to be.
4. I am passionate about being in musical theater and want to pursue it more than anything else in the world.
5. My ideas and thoughts matter. And not only do they matter, but they matter more than anything else.
6. I can learn to love myself.
7. My religious beliefs are shaky at best.
The last one scares me. A lot. BUT the past few weeks have shown me that I am smart, thoughtful and capable of figuring stuff out for myself. And I am going to.
Today I started reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. In the preface, my position right now is described PERFECTLY. Religion is described as being a hallway. There are many doors in the hallway and they all represent different religions.
"The hall is a place to wait in, a place from which to try the various doors, not a place to live in... It is true that some people may find they have to wait in the hall for a considerable time, while others feel certain almost at once which door they must knock at. I do not know why there is the difference, but I am sure God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait. When you do get to your room you will find that the long wait has done you some kind of good which you would not have had otherwise. But you must regard it as waiting not as camping. You must keep on praying for light...and begin trying to obey the rules which are common to the whole house. And above all you must be asking which door is the true one; not which pleases you best..."
I know I believe in God (and I believe that God believes in Claude) and I am excited to really start digging deep and figuring stuff out for myself. I have never felt more spiritual than when I read the Chronicles of Narnia...so I figure C.S. Lewis is a good place to start. :)